I’m sure you’re a nice person. How do I know? Because nice people attract energy-sucking people the way a statue attracts pigeons. See if any of these scenarios sound familiar:

Your neighbor always parks in front of your house. (You: “Oh, it’s fine.”)Your mom friend never picks up her kid on time. (You: “She’s so busy.”)

Your coworker regales you daily with boyfriend drama. (You: “She needs a friend.”)

Your old buddy from high school just can’t get it together! (You: “She tries.”)

Here’s what’s true about each of these people: Not one of them puts you first. They aren’t supporting you, they aren’t cheering you on, and they’re siphoning the resources you need to live your own best life. These relationships are toxic clutter, pure and simple.

Remember, “You First” is what this journey is all about. You simply can’t have a healthier, fitter life if you’re giving your precious time and energy to people who don’t give it back. You can’t!

Now that you’re living cleaner and leaner, you need people who support you and want to see you at your best. To weed the energy suckers from the energy boosters, try this simple method adapted from The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Author Marie Kondo suggests decluttering your space by taking each of your objects in hand and asking, “Does this spark joy?” If the answer is no, out it goes!

Now, “Does this spark joy?” is pretty clear when you’re opening a jar of Nutella, wearing your Like A Virgin tour T-shirt, or sitting on the 405 Freeway on Friday afternoon. So I say we apply the question to our relationships, as well. Close your eyes, bring that “friend’s” face into view, and ask yourself:

Does this friendship enhance my life in any way, help me achieve my goals, or make me feel supported?

Does hanging out with this person spark joy?

Better yet, try these variations:

Does it spark joy when I’m working overtime on my boss’s project while he is yachting? Do I need a Xanax just to look at my coworker’s face?
Does this smirking salesperson really care about my footwear needs?

This is an excerpt from The Right Fit Formula

Whether it’s about getting married, changing jobs, or losing weight, everyone goes through five stages of change, as identified by behavioral psychologist James Prochaska. Change starts with pre-contemplation, where you’re just kinda, sorta starting to think about making a move. And it ends with maintenance, where the change is now an estab- lished habit, part of your everyday life.

THE FIVE STAGES

Stage 1: Pre-contemplation

Stage 2: Contemplation

Stage 3: Preparation
Stage 4: Action

Stage 5: Maintenance

It’s safe to say that many dieters want to go straight to Stage 5, where they envision them- selves happily eating salads and saluting admirers as they run on the beach. But while I can’t shortcut the stages for you, I can help you move through them with purpose and energy. So let’s jump in—because in my pool, the water is perfect for you.